Encounter #77.4: Landscaper

App: Tinder

Name: Ethan*

Date Location: My Apartment

Location Review:  N/A

Date Duration: 13 hours

What Happened:

By some act of God, Ethan kept talking to me and wanted to hang out again after we rekindled things. Usually, things crash and burn shortly after I sleep with a guy so this was a welcome change.

Since I had come up to him, he offered to drive down to me. Date was set. Everyone was excited.

Well then I found out I had to go to Connecticut at 7am to pick up my rescue dog the same morning he’d be waking up with me. FAHHHHHK.

Ethan, being the sweet human he is, didn’t care and had friends who lived in the next town over that he could get breakfast with. I felt so bad but, he kept reassuring me that he was just happy we got to see each other.

We ordered in and as expected, things heated up fairly quickly and we ended up in my bed. The sex was even better than the last time but we kept having condom slippage. In a fit of passion, we said fuck it, we’d talk about it later, and we did our thing.

Afterward, I was like “Sooooo hitting it raw. I’m fine with it but if we’re going to do that, there can’t be other people. I don’t want to pick up anything”. He was fine with it. The whole conversation lasted like 30 seconds and was so chill. We spent the rest of the night chit-chatting, (fucking), cuddling, and all that good stuff.

When we woke up we had 15-20 minutes to spare so we went at it again. Everything was great. He was going to see his friend. I was going to get my dog. And then I checked my phone. The bitch got to Connecticut at 3 a.m.

I won’t say I freaked the fuck out but, I wasn’t my best self. I didn’t know where she was and I felt like I held up the entire animal transport. Ethan, being the sunshine human he is, didn’t seem phased. He pulled me into him and said, “She’s safe. It’s not your fault. It will be okay”. It wasn’t anything major but it felt so good to have someone be there for me in that moment and not have him be freaked out by my anxiety.

A few hours later he asked if I was home and he stopped by on his way back to NH to meet the dog. I smelled like ass. The dog smelled like ass. And he didn’t care.

He had to head home but we kept texting throughout the day and that’s when it happened.

WELL THEN.

So we kept seeing each other. And it has blown my mind.

• He calls me every day to say hi and check in
• I met his friends
• He met my friends
• I was on my period, went to blow him, and he stopped me because, “I want to eat you out and it’s not fair for me to get something out of it. You don’t need to have my dick in your mouth for me to like you”.
• He made a shared note where we can put in date ideas
• HE FUCKING CLEANED OFF MY CAR

I have no idea where this will go (there’s something about me posting that things are good that triggers the universe to make it implode) but, I’m so happy/shocked that I’ve experienced whatever this is. It is so straightforward and uncomplicated and on some level, that’s terrifying to me. I’m not bending in 1000 directions to maintain his everything and I don’t think that’s happened in the past 8 years.

So tbd on where this adventure leads but, here’s to the first healthy adventure of 2023.

Encounter #77.3: Landscaper

App: Tinder

Name: Ethan*

Date Location: The Farm & Tokens Taproom – Dover, NH

Location Review:  3.5 Stars – Drinks were aight and menu had solid options. Seems more like a family spot during the week.

4.0 Stars – It’s small but, drinks are pretty inexpensive and there’s Mortal Combat.

Date Duration: 16 hours

What Happened:

So. Little bit of a story here.

About a year and a half ago I went out with Ethan. Nice guy, treated me well, cute, and all that good stuff. We just met while I was talking to someone else and after a certain point, it felt shitty talking to 2 people. So before anything got too serious with either party, I picked one.

Well, I chose wrong.

In the time since I ended it with Ethan, I always thought about reaching back out. We had a lot of fun when we were together, I always thought he was cute, and it felt easy. But, I had moved and I figured he would get scooped up fairly quickly so I let it go.

We would snap each other here and there but it picked up into a regular cadence out of nowhere. (Weirdly not long after everything went down with Ian and I took myself out of the game).

I wasn’t looking for anything at that point in time but since I had some history with Ethan, I made an exception. After a few weeks of snapchatting back and forth, I got a text from Ethan and he asked me out on a date.

WHICH BRINGS US HERE

He invited me to come out to his area and tbh I had no idea how it was going to go. I was expecting to spend the night and all that but, who knows? Maybe we just wouldn’t vibe the way we used to.

I met him at his apartment and we had a couple of drinks. It was a little choppy at first but, the groove was setting in and I felt his leg press into mine. We were in business.

We walked down to the restaurant for dinner and kept catching up. Then after dinner, we went to an arcade bar and that’s when things started happening. Up until this point, I really wasn’t sure what the vibe was. I know we went in calling this a date but it had also been a year and a half. Could just be friends. Well, there was trivia that night and we grabbed a table off to the side. We were facing each other and that’s when he put his hands on my knees, touched my legs, and held my hand. It. Was. Happening.

At one point he asked me how long it would take for me to get home and I was vague about it. Wanted to gauge what his angle was. And then he invited me to stay over. It was on.

We held hands on the way back to his apartment and cuddled up on the couch. Then it happened. We kissed. And it was just as good as it was a year earlier.

That kiss quickly became a make out and he asked if I wanted to go upstairs. Here was the thing. I was on my period. So disclosed that nugget and was like, “If you’re down, I’m down. No pressure if it’s not your thing. Plenty of other things we can do“. I saw the gears turning but he wasn’t 100% sold yet. We did need to move though because there was no way his roommate wanted to see us going at it.

We shifted to his room and he gave me clothes to sleep in. We crawled into bed and quickly things started happening and he came out with,

“So period sex. I have never done it. What would it entail?”

“We can go in the shower. Put down a towel. Or, I can take a shit ton of Advil and we can wait an hour to see if the coast is any clearer. Whatever you want to do is fine”.

“Fuck it, I’ll grab a towel”.

And that was the night Ethan went from a boy to a man jk jk. I did appreciate that he went for it. Feel like that’s something that separates the pack.

I do have to say, idk who or what he did in the year we were apart but omg. Ethan had some moves. Choked me a bit. Kinda tossed me around. Just whole different vibe and I was into it.

When we woke up we immediately started cuddling, Ethan was so fucking cute and kept asking me if I had a good time. I didn’t understand why he kept checking and then I remembered I did cut him off out of nowhere last time so that may have had something to do with it.

We kept texting after I left which for me was something kinda new. Normally things go to shit after I fuck someone. For the first time, in a long time, I was happy and couldn’t wait to see him again.

Encounter #102.2: Newsies

App: N/A

Name: Ian*

Date Location: Masa – Manchester, NH

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – The music in there is chaotic as shit and it’s great. Good selection of hibachi and sushi.

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

I was really happy that Ian came down to my place for some party I hosted the night after our first date. He looked cute, brought wine, was good about chatting with my friends, and he helped me clean up. We were up until 5 am just talking about any and everything.

We just kept talking and he asked me out again. I am embarrassed to say just how excited I was to see him. Like just full golden retriever energy. WHERE DID BAD BITCH LAURA GO? I knew the timing of us meeting wasn’t particularly stellar but, it had been a while since I was both physically and mentally attracted to someone.

We had a lot of fun. Conversation was easy and the witty banter was there. When the check came, he asked if I had ever seen the planes take off at the local airport. I hadn’t so we headed that way and I climbed into his car.

It shouldn’t be a shock to say that after 5/10 minutes of staring at the runway we made out. A lot. And it was good. Basement was flooded.

At that time, I was so over the apps and all the dating bullshit. Yes, Ian had baggage and I lived an hour away but, I enjoyed his company and he was just so different from anyone I had gone out with.

We were friends with the same people and knowing them and their character, I figured Ian had to be a decent person. So I paused all the apps. Either this was going to end well or I would find myself sliding down a wall, crying. Had to take the gamble.

Encounter #102.1: Newsies

App: N/A

Name: Ian*

Date Location: 815 – Manchester, NH

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Pretty classy joint for the area. Ambience is on point and cocktails are tasty.

Date Duration: 5 hours

What Happened:

After Ian slid into the DMs, we shifted to text, and conversation was going well. Me being an impatient little hoe, I lied and said I had something to do in NH and asked if he would want to get drinks while I was there. He agreed and he officially got the upgrade from Situation to Encounter.

We decided to meet up at a speakeasy which was a classy move. I had to laugh because as we finalized a time, Ian told me how to get there and all this stuff. But, as I walked up from my car I saw Ian about 6 blocks down slightly lost.

He looked good. Given how much alcohol was consumed at the wedding, it was nice knowing that he was actually attractive.

We got one of the couches at the bar and just shot the shit for a few hours. I really don’t have anything juicy to report. Just good conversation.

There was a while where I wasn’t sure if he liked me or not. I kept touching his leg and it wasn’t reciprocated back. As the night went on we started people-watching and saw two couples get absolutely plastered. We were trying to talk about them discreetly and Ian leaned on me. Like whole side of his body. Interesting.

We decided to leave when one of the couples did (so we could see if they fell down the stairs) and we went to meet my brother and his friend at another bar. When the couple made it to the door, Ian turned to me and said “So I guess we should kiss now“. And we made out. And it was good.

As we went out the door he said I was a good kisser and my awkward ass responded with, “Thanks. I used to play the saxophone“. He busted out laughing on the street. Which then got me laughing. And tbh it was a main character moment.

We played cards with my brother for a bit and hung out at the bar after he left until the lights kicked on. I parked far away and Ian walked me back to my car. Thing was he parked by where we started. I wanted to suck his face off so I insisted on driving him back to his car since it was cold and people were kind of sketchy. He agreed.

When I pulled up to the parking garage he came out with the “So we should probably kiss right now” line again. And we did. And then we did again. And one more time. It was hot.

I was having a party at my apartment the next day and casually (or at least in my mind casually) asked him to come. He agreed. We were in business.

Situation #11.1: Newsies

Name: Ian*

What Happened:

One of my childhood friends was getting married and I didn’t know what to expect. I knew some people from his friend group but had no idea who would be there.

Wedding was open bar so I figured that shit out real quick.

My brother was also invited so we were catching up with a friend from home and Ian walked up. Did he look like he was about to sell me a Boston Globe because of his hat? Maybe. But, he was hot and I shaved. We introduced ourselves and when he walked away I asked our friend if this guy was single and would be down to make out with me. I got the yes. Target was acquired.

Ceremony was lovely and it was time to start the reception. The first dance happened and then the DJ called all couples to the floor to join. My entire table got up but I was chilling, sipping my drink. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Ian.

We danced on and off together throughout the reception but nothing really happened. We did kinda grind up on each other and I saw the groom’s parents watching us from the corner of my eye but it wasn’t so scandalous that I felt the need to stop. Would give them something to discuss in the morning. Ian and I didn’t really talk all that much on the dance floor but when I was leaving for the hotel bar he asked if I’d be there and touched my back. Interesting.

I was chilling with my table from the wedding (shout out to Table 10) and Ian eventually came over. We chit-chatted and I found out what he did for work. (Also may have found out that he broke up with his fiance fairly recently). Then we talked about zodiac signs and death of all things. Some of the guys went outside to smoke cigars and before he stepped out he basically invited me back to his room later so we could “keep talking”. Okay, we will see about that Ian.

(I later found out that my brother talked to him at the hotel bar and asked if he was interested in me. He said he would give Ian his blessing to spend the night with me if Ian let him grab his ass. Ian declined the booty grab, and said he would let my brother watch him walk away.)

Well, he was taking too damn long outside so I went up to Table 10’s room to keep drinking before I went to bed. I was wrapping up when my brother called me. He was in the hotel bar with Ian and apparently Ian was still interested. So Table 10 invited him up.

He took fucking forever again. My brother showed up to the room first drunk off his ass and then 10 minutes later, Ian strolled in.

We shot the shit and he was more interesting than I originally thought. Also, my brother was way drunker than we originally thought. At one point I overheard him telling Ian about how I am a goddess, someone who has “really lived” so he needs to really treat me right later “if you know what I mean”, and that he needs to really go for it. I was being pimped.

It was time to go to bed and since we couldn’t trust my brother to take an Uber to his hotel, it was somehow determined that we’d put my brother in my room and I would sleep in Ian’s. V clever.

Ian was a champ and helped me put my brother to bed. I stepped out to change into comfy clothes and when I came back, Ian was taking my brother’s suit pants off and my brother kept moaning, “Ian! IANNNN!” and then yelled at me to look away so he could, “Live his fantasy”.

Despite the sexual harassment, Ian still wanted me to stay with him. We crawled into bed and it wasn’t long until things started happening. Now, I genuinely wasn’t planning on fucking him. But he was naked, that body didn’t quit, and he was packing so I had a change of heart. Overall, not bad. Would fuck again.

We talked for a few hours and eventually fell asleep. This was also when I found out that my brother told him directly that Ian had “Nice buns”.

I woke up before him having visions of vomit all over my own hotel room so, I may have thrown clothes on and dipped out without saying anything.

I did follow him on Instagram and saw a DM slide in the next day.

Encounter #100.4: Rain Delay

App: Coffee Meets Bagel

Name: Mark*

Date Location: Flander’s Field – Hanover, MA & Vitamin Sea Brewing – Weymouth, MA

Location Review:  3.0 Stars – It’s fine. German beer hall that you can bring your mom to

3.0 Stars – Like any other brewery ever

Date Duration: 20 hours

What Happened:

To figure out whether or not I really liked Mark, I agreed to go out with him again. I couldn’t say no. He planned a whole day and even offered to drive since I would be on the road the rest of the weekend.

We went to a bar that he hyped up so much. It was suburban af. Maybe I’m just a bitch but he just hadn’t seen anything in life.

Eventually we made it to a brewery and the conversation was mostly him talking at me about political things. Yes, we had the same views but literally everything we talked about was so fucking serious. I just wanted to crack jokes and have witty banter.

We went back to my place and ended up having sex. It was meh. Then we cooked dinner and he was so sweet. Did the dishes and everything. Maybe it was fine? Maybe this was the best it would get and I should just deal with it.

He stayed the night and I kept avoiding doing anything physical. We hung out a few nights later for my own peace of mind and I was just miserable. I texted him a few days later to end it and at first it seemed that he took it well. He was sad, but didn’t fight with me.

A few days later he asked if we could be friends with benefits since we had “such good communication and sexual chemistry”…no. I declined and we never spoke again.

Encounter #100.3: Rain Delay

App: Coffee Meets Bagel

Name: Mark*

Date Location: Quincy Quarry & Crossing Nines – Quincy, MA

Location Review:  N/A

4.0 Stars – Definitely a hidden gem outside Boston. The patio gives a whole view of the Boston skyline plus the food is actually good.

Date Duration: 14 hours

What Happened:

I knew I liked Mark after our last date but, I wasn’t sure how much. That said, when he asked me out again I agreed so I could get a feel.

He suggested heading up to the quarry and hiking around a bit which I was immediately turned off by but, he said he would bring alcohol and snacks so I went with it.

Despite the fact it stank of puberty and weed, the view on top of the rocks was pretty nice. He brought his camera and we took some pictures while chit-chatting. He did keep touching my leg which for whatever reason, made me low-key uncomfortable. I couldn’t explain it but, I just shrugged it off as we were in public and I was still getting used to him.

Since the golf course was right there, we decided to head over for dinner and everything was normal. Nothing exciting to report. Although, he did tell me that the reason he didn’t kiss me on the first date was because he had a boner the whole time and didn’t want me to feel it. Thank you for sharing?

He invited me to his place and I figured I might as well check it out. Well as expected, it wasn’t long until we were hooking up. We didn’t have sex. Actually, I kinda felt myself trying to get out of any intimate contact with him. There wasn’t anything wrong “per se” but something wasn’t right.

I dipped out fairly quickly in the morning. I knew something was off but, everything else was good on paper so I decided to see him again to really be sure.

Encounter #101.1: In the Navy

App: Hinge

Name: Maurice*

Date Location: Fogo de Chao – Boston, MA

Location Review:  5.0 Stars – Holy shit. Amazing. Expensive but, so fucking worth it.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

Maurice’s opener was “What Boston restaurant have you been meaning to try but haven’t been to yet?” I said “Fogo de Chao but my bank account says no”. And then he followed up with reservation details so we were in business.

He was a Naval Officer who went to the Academy and was now going to MIT so he was wicked fucking smart. The messages on the app were fine but I really didn’t know what to expect since he was an engineer and that’s always a toss-up.

I beat him to the restaurant and when he walked up, it was a no. He had the UnderArmour polo tucked in so god damn tight and the haircut just screamed “Dad”. All he needed was a pair of New Balances and he would have been ready for the family cookout. But maybe he would bring it at dinner and his personality would shine?

It didn’t. He was boring as shit. “Have any siblings?” Yeah. Mmmmm kay. What am I supposed to do with that? Just hours of me grilling his ass because he couldn’t hold a conversation properly.

To top it off, everyone at the restaurant thought we were there for our anniversary. So that wasn’t awkward at all.

The check came and no one moved. I kept chatting but nothing happened. The restaurant started closing down so it was time. I suggested we close out and I started making moves to my bag. I got the card. I put it down. And he took that thing and put it in the book with his. FUCK. $90 I will never see again.

I was ready to call time of death but he refused to let me take the train by where we were since I’d have to do a transfer. Not a big deal AT ALL but he just wouldn’t let it go. So now I was locked into a 15-minute walk with the most boring man in the world.

To make matters worse, we were taking the same train line in opposite directions and my train’s doors closed as soon as we got to the platform. Queue another awkward 15 minutes.

By the time I got home, there was a message in my Hinge inbox with his phone number. I politely declined and he said to keep the number in case I changed my mind. I was good.

Encounter #99.3: Mr. Rhode Island

App: The League

Name: Elias*

Date Location: Amelia’s Trattoria & Gracie’s Ice Cream – Cambridge, MA

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Tiny restaurant but food was bomb and the atmosphere was cute.

4.0 Stars – The bathroom is Dolly Parton themed. You don’t need much else.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

This was a make or break date. Elias and I hadn’t kissed yet so tensions were high. Also, he wasn’t really bringing it on the texting so that wasn’t helping his cause.

We decided to go to an Italian spot by him and it was nice. Only thing is it was hot as balls and their AC broke. We chatted and conversation was okay. An old couple was definitely listening in on our ENTIRE date but, it wasn’t anything exceptional. About an hour in I realized he didn’t ask me anything. It was really just him going on and on about god knows what and then us splitting the bill so I was out $60.

It was getting stupid hot in the restaurant so after dinner we decided to walk around a bit and get ice cream. We were in a secluded area. Nothing. No lean in. No kiss. Just held my sweaty hand.

We got a little closer to the train station and he invited me to go back to his apartment and that he would drive me back later. Did I want to see if there would be anything? Yes. But, I wasn’t about to be stuck in his apartment when I didn’t even know if he was a good kisser. Need an appetizer before going all in on the main course, ya know?

He was fine with it and walked me to the train. We hugged twice and he talked about how next time he’d come by me. I never texted him back and it died naturally.

Encounter #100.2: Rain Delay

App: Coffee Meets Bagel

Name: Mark*

Date Location: The Clam Box – Quincy, MA

Location Review:  2.5 Stars – It’s pretty meh but you’re near the beach.

Date Duration: 14 hours

What Happened:

Mark and I were both busy so it was a minute before we could meet up but he was consistent with texting me and staying in contact.

I had to dog sit so he suggested we head to the beach so I could bring the dog and we could walk around. He did suggest 10am which was so aggressive but, I would live.

He walked up looking cute and he had a little cooler backpack with him filled with water and treats for the dog which was very sweet. So we walked around and shot the shit. Conversation was much easier this time and it was very clear that we had similar political views which was nice. Mark was also pretty smart so we had more intellectual conversation than I expected.

It was hot out so we decided to take a break and grab some drinks while the dog cooled off. He made a few flirtatious jokes which was unexpected. I couldn’t get a read on him at all up until that point so it was nice knowing that he found me attractive.

I got a text that the owner was on the way so I offered to continue hanging out and have a quick side mission to my place to get the dog situated or, we could go about our days. He chose the side mission.

After the dog got picked up, we threw something on Netflix so we could cool off in the AC. Then, as expected, things started happening. I told him straight up we weren’t going to fuck. It was a second date. I didn’t know him. He agreed to those terms.

Clothes came off and things were meh. He kept trying to talk dirty to me but it was more conversational and honestly just annoying af. Stop talking to me and just eat my pussy.

We hooked up on and off for a few hours but despite agreeing to the terms and conditions, he kept pushing to fuck. It got to the point I had to bring up that my new birth control wasn’t all the way effective yet. He responded with, “Well I have condoms”. SIR. The answer was no. I don’t know what else you need to hear. He apologized between rounds so I let it slide but, it was definitely something that went against him.

Eventually, we ordered food and he ended up staying the night. I wasn’t 100% sold but, he was nice enough and checked other boxes so I figured I’d see where it went.